Becoming a Family

 The first few months after John was born was characterized with trips to visit family and friends.  We made a big trip to Seattle in July!  We went via IA, NE, CO and finally Washington!  We had such wonderful visits with everyone and everyone loved seeing the kids for the first time. Don't you even believe the date on this picture. Our friend's camera had the wrong date set on it.  This was July, 1997.


Visiting friends in Iowa.  Alicia had the cutest t-shirt that said I'm the big Sister!

We got to visit Milton's Uncle Howard and Aunt Timmie.  

Which one is my daddy?

Our small group was great at OSEFC our new church home. 

The Wright family. Bill and Milton were good friends in seminary.   

Montreal Here We Come!

It was August 1997. John was only a couple months old. This was our second long trip but we had not left the country before. We needed to leave the U.S. in order to process Alicia's paperwork for her immigrant visa. We wanted Vancouver, closer to Milton's brother in Seattle but INS once again refused to cooperate. We had to go to Montreal. Thankfully we had a supporting church in Toronto who wanted to see us and we had missionary friends in Montreal--we had not seen them for quite some time b/c they were never home when we were! We headed out and got almost to Detroit when we discovered that we did not have John's birth certificate. We had brought everything we had on Alicia but this newborn little boy was forgotten! Well at least we didn't leave him behind! So we drove back to Chicago and the birth certificate was sitting on the desk where I had left it. Did I ever mention that both of us tend to be absent minded!?

Alicia and Jordan Lee the son of one of our Toronto friends. The second picture is of the Qwan kids and Alicia and John.

We drove all the way to Toronto the following day. The border crossing was not anything to get excited about and we were soon visiting our dear friends at Chinese Gospel Church. We were able to meet with a number of people and show off both our babies!

Then we headed to Montreal. What a trip! I don't even remember details of how we found our friends, but we must have had really detailed directions. I don't remember getting lost, and I just remember their lovely home and their hospitality. The next day Wes took us to the American Consulate and to get the medical exam. Now at this point I had been working for three years in French and had had a year of language study. The Quebec accent really threw me for a loop. For example they wanted a urine specimen from Alicia and they asked me if she could do peepee in a cup. But I did not understand them. Finally they got it across and the answer was no! She could not pee on command! Sorry!

We got the necessary documentation and off we went. I think we were in Montreal 2 nights. We then headed for the American border, handed in our dossier and got Alicia's passport stamped. It was finished! Well not quite! We still had to do her citizenship papers but this was the first step towards that!

We stopped in Massachusetts and spent a few days--maybe even a week with Milton's sister and family, introducing them to the newest members. I'm not how sure Alicia was about eating a lobster, but she has since linked lobster and corn on the cob with Aunt Diana and Uncle Tom.

Tom had been the first to see John and Alicia. A few weeks after his birth, Tom was in Chicago at Loyola Hospital on business and we got together for a couple of hours. At this point we still had not visited my family in Oklahoma nor Milton's Mom and stepdad in Florida. But it wouldn't be long before we would head that way. But in the mean time TEDS the seminary Milton was attending was starting and we would soon be taken up with Seminary life.

Alicia gets readopted!

One of the pieces of advice that we received was to readopt Alicia so that she could have a birth certificate in English. We were given the name of a local attorney that we called. All we had to do was send a copy of the adoption decree and the attorney prepared everything. I don't remember even seeing her until we arrived in court. It was more stressful driving down town Chicago and finding a parking place than the actual process. Alicia had to be served--the sheriff actually touched her with the papers. He then gave her a deputy's badge! We went upstairs to the court and met with the attorney and the judge presiding over the case. We were asked a couple of questions about our family and our work. The adoption was then finalized and in a few months we would receive our Certificate of Foreign Birth for Alicia. This was just one more step in the process of Alicia becoming an American.

November, 1996--We have to go back where?

When we entered the U.S. in Atlanta we were told, "You have to go back." We asked, "Back to where, Benin?" "No just to Immigration." Whew! We were really wary, because Alicia had come in on a tourist visa! Off we went to the US Immigration office. We were told our daughter would be put on a Humanitarian Parole and were given an appointment to meet with INS in Chicago. We had no idea what a humanitarian parole was! We just knew that we could not take Alicia out of the country during this time.

We came home to no place to live. A young man in our church allowed us to live with him for a month. I was sick every night. There was only one bathroom in the house and it was across the hall from Dan's bedroom. Later he said he felt sorry for me, because he did hear me puking my guts out almost every night!

While we were staying at Dan's house we got word that there was a widower who wanted to meet with us and it was possible that we could live with him. He had a big old house in Western Springs, around the corner from our Pastor. Chuck was recently retired and his wife had died the year before from complications during surgery. We went to see him and low and behold Milton knew him. He had spoken at Chuck's church and they had given him a love offering for his ministry!

He offered his home and Chuck gave us the master bedroom and a smaller room for Alicia. I don't remember where we got her crib, but soon we were settled in with Chuck and we began the home study process. We met with our social worker, Judy Stigger who was at the time with Lutheran Social Services of Illinois. This was an agency I had worked with before Milton and I were married.

There were a couple of things that I did not appreciate. I remember in one of our first meetings she seemed upset with us because I was pregnant. I remember her making a statement like, "That's why we tell our adoptive parents to use birth control!" I was ecstatic that I was pregnant and she wasn't going to take away my joy! God had given us Alicia and also this baby.

There were some really weird requirements that Chuck had to go along with. He was more than willing to get fingerprinted and off we went together to the nearest sheriff's off to get that done. He had a little dog, Cricket and we had to make sure his vaccinations were up to date because we were living in the house with them.

These were great times. I learned a lot about flexibility and living together with someone you don't know. Chuck was great. We have remained friends all these years and try to see him and his wife when ever we are in the Chicago area. We have some great memories of teaching Alicia to come down the stairs without falling for example!

I was involved in a Bible study at church and it was a great time of bonding as a family. We kept pushing the home study forward and at one point we had a difficult time getting the paper work we needed from DCFS. I had worked with them before. I called our social worker and she asked us to handle it rather than her. We carried more clout as parents than she did. Besides she had to work with them. DCFS lost our file twice and we had to resend information to them. Finally I found out who our senator was and I contacted her. She lit a fire under them and we got some movement on our case.

Remember that African Baby face leather brooch?

Sandwiched into the adoption story is another story. Our African adoption story would not be complete without telling the whole story.

Just before our final adoption hearing on September 5, 1996, I got pregnant. We had not planned this, it truly was a God thing. Remember that African baby brooch that had been given to me 3 years before? I had asked this question when everyone said,"It's a sign from God." I had asked, "Does this mean I will adopt an African baby or that I will get pregnant in Africa?" God has a sense of humor because both happened.

In mid-September after I had not had a period for two weeks, I talked to one of the doctors at the hospital. I told him I had not had a period so he suggested that I come down to the clinic and he would give me a prescription to get a pregnancy test at the lab. We had to wait two weeks before getting the test for it to be a valid test (for some reason). Those had been a long two weeks. God has an even greater sense of humor, because as I had counted back, I knew the date of conception--my birthday! That was the best birthday present ever!

I walked from the clinic over to the lab promising Dr. Chris Healey that I would return with the results! As I waited outside the lab on a wooden bench, my thoughts were a jumble! But again, I wondered if I would miscarry, if I was in fact pregnant. As David the lab technician handed me the slip of paper and I looked at the + sign, I heard, "Felicitations! Vouse etes enseint!" Wow! I really was pregnant. I walked back to the clinic and handed the slip of paper to Chris for him to experience the same joy I was feeling. He wanted to call his wife and tell her, but I convinced him to wait until I returned home to tell Milton the news. That was some walk as I reveled in God smiling on me! He really does love to give good gifts to his children! He just kind of heaps it on at times! We were careful who we told that I was pregnant, because I had always miscarried at around 2 months! So we wanted to make sure this one took! We did share the news with our pastors and they were just as happy as we were. After all they had walked this journey with us the past 3 years we had been in Benin.

The last six weeks in Benin was spent nauseated every stinkin' morning! Susanne would arrive to take care of Alicia and would find me in the bathroom puking my guts out! Each time I talked to Dr. Chris, he reveled in my nausea. I had not been nauseous with the other pregnancies, so he told me this was a good sign! Crackers and cheese became my friends while in Benin. Throughout the whole pregnancy I experienced the nausea and eventually the papaya enzymes that my friend Mary had recommended didn't work, ginger tea became a close friend until even that did not work. The last couple of months of my pregnancy I was on a prescription medication for the nausea. It was worth it!

When we were in the process of doing our home study, our social worker gave us the statistic of 3% of adoptive parents experience pregnancy after adoption. When we shared our story we would hear time and time again of how often that occurs! It's not that common. We just hear the positive stories. You don't hear adoptive parents talking about not getting pregnant after adopting for obvious reasons.

I had a normal pregnancy, and my son was born on May 23, 1997. There are 15 months between him and his sister. They can fight like cats and dogs but I have some great pictures with their arms around each other so I know they are good friends too! I was 42 when I gave birth to John without an epidural. That in itself is another story in this whole saga! Tangled all together with our home study in the States was my pregnancy with John!

September 5, 1996--Final Court Hearing

We got word that the hearing had been scheduled for September 5. When we got ready to go to the hearing we walked over to the church offices and discovered that Saka Solomon had been called away to Sinende to handle a crisis at the Bible school. I walked into Daniel Gassary's office and asked if he might help us out. I explained how lost we were at the last hearing and would he please go with us. He did. As we got out of the car at the court, Daniel seemed to know exactly where to go.

As we walked in the door he began greeting people. One of the first persons was the Bariba consultant. He introduced us to him. It was his cousin! Someone asked where the birth father was. Wasn't he there? Were we supposed to bring him? I asked Daniel my question and he told me to be quiet to not volunteer anything. They probably did not need him since he had signed the papers. Where was the judge? Another judge had been appointed since the one who had held the first hearing of our case was out of town. All of a sudden we were all called into the court room. And then we the adoptive parents were asked to stand. Alicia Ruth Watt was now officially our daughter!

After we exited the court room we asked Daniel about getting the adoption decree typed up quickly. For an extra amount we were able to get it expedited. We were so grateful for the ladies who spent the extra hours typing up the final decree. From the court house we asked Daniel about getting her birth certificat. He took us to the government office that handled them and within an hour or so we had that taken care of. The next day we started the process of her Benin identity card and finally the process for her Benin passport.

When we got down to the last days before we were to fly out of Benin, we were requesting prayer because they had lost Alicia's passport. Our business manager in Cotonou was required to go down and get that straightened out and literally sort through passports until he found hers and got it processed.

We still did not have a visa for her and we needed to translate her adoption decree into English.There was a missionary from France who helped Milton with the translation and he had this man's signature notarized. We later learned that it was not a good idea to translate your own adoption decree, but back then there were not many options.

We had a heck of a time figuring out what kind of visa Alicia could come to the States on. She was our legally adopted daughter, but we had not jumped through enough hoops to get that coveted immigrant visa. They gave her a tourist visa but did not bother to explain to us what they were doing. We did not know until we got to Atlanta, that we would have to have the home study, and all the checks done in the States. We were just happy to be going home with our daughter.

The plane ride was cramped. It was full from Brussels to New York! We hardly had any room and my daughter was heavy to carry on one's lap the entire plane ride. But we did. Once I laid her on the floor on a blanket and she slept and so did I.

Our first Court Appearance

I don't actually remember a lot about the first court appearance. I just remember that I was having a hard time figuring out who was who. Usually you would have a state's attorney, guardian ad litem for the child, and then various and sundry other people who make up the court. Everyone was in black robes! From the roles that each one played we could kind of figure out who was who. Benin's legal system is based on the French system and that is totally different from the American system.

We did know that someone had been appointed as a cultural consultant for our case. We would have to meet with him and with our attorney. I didn't even know if this was the filing of the petition or severance of parental rights. We knew that for the final hearing we wanted someone there who could explain things to us!